Is It a Bad Thing to Be a Writer, When You Constantly Battle Self-Esteem Issues?

That’s my hundred-dollar question there.

405881_182489848518567_466545857_n_largeI have always battled with low self-esteem, so much to the point of bad anxiety attacks that render me in a low place. I think it got worse when I was a teenager. (go figure, huh? Teenager, who knew?) I constantly endured smart Aleck attacks from other teens and get this (a teacher) at one point in my teens. However, some of these things still haunt me, and work on my self-esteem. The one thing that really stands out to me is: Teenagers don’t allow you to forget the mistakes OR the embarrassing moments.  To my notice, teenagers LOVE to mention the things that get you down, and chase it with, “Aw, I’m just kidding you.” or “No offense.” Thinking that it’s perfectly okay.

Sometimes  I can’t go out into public without shaking. But that has gotten better over the years. But if I go on let’s say a trip to New York City? I almost have a conniption. I may not act like it, I can keep most of it bottled up, but on the inside I’m having a meltdown. Why? You may ask. My most feared thing about such is, I’m afraid to get embarrassed. Again, that’s gotten better over the years.

Let me get back onto subject here. For me being a writer and expect to make it somewhere someday with my writing… some days I just feel like my writing amounts up to nothing. I know writers battle this often, even the ones without self-esteem issues. But come on, I think it’s doubled on me…sometimes. (Pssst, I think I’m going to stay away from book reviews.)

Is this the wrong line of work/hobby to go into?

But then, even if it is the wrong line of whatever, I’d still do it, because I LOVE writing. In some ways, writing helps me battle my low self-esteem issues. I can express myself through my characters, step out and do something new through them. Heck, sometimes the characters inspire me to be better because I made them be what I want to be (in some ways, just depends on the character).

For instance, I used to never hold up for myself as a kid and teenager, I’d let ANYONE walk all over me. I just smile and allow them to do whatever, because I was afraid of someone hating me.

If you have ever read any of my work, you’d see I always have a tough character, guy or a girl one. When I get a focus on their character, I kind of bring them into my own persona, and claim that gutsy they have. I, now, don’t take crap off from anyone because of that. So I battled that self-esteem issue, and probably have caused another issue on myself: blind rage. But anyways, another problem for another day.

So let me get to the point here: I don’t care if it’s a wrong line of work or hobby. Writing is something that I enjoy, it’s my art, it’s my breath, and  it’s my therapy. I’m sure if I didn’t start writing, I’d still be battling more self-esteem issues.


6 thoughts on “Is It a Bad Thing to Be a Writer, When You Constantly Battle Self-Esteem Issues?

  1. Writing is a difficult career choice, and whether you have high self esteem or not it will still be difficult. I can understand how you feel entirely. People always tell me that I’ve made it so far, but some days I still have those moments where if I sit long enough and allow myself to think about it I feel like I just haven’t done enough. Writing challenges you to fight against your self esteem… some days it knocks your self esteem away to the point where you wonder what’s left to hold onto, other days it brings you up like nothing else can…
    But in the end, I think your writing can really show what you have inside. You write about strong characters because YOU are strong, and regardless of what days that shows through that will always be there.

    The important thing is to remember exactly what you said… That writing is important to you, and speaking from experience here, believe me it never gets easy once you’re published. Keep on writing, girl!

    1. Thank you so much, Lindsey! I have notice that you battle with it, but then I always see how strong you are when you come out on top of it all! 😀 You are an inspiration to me, girl! Thank you so much for your words!

  2. Whether or not you want to go somewhere with it doesn’t matter. If you love it, do it, self-esteem issues or not. And when you find yourself in a stable place, pursue publication if you want to. And the best characters are the ones you write with your emotions!

    1. Thank you for the comment! And I agree with you entirely! That is just what I needed to hear! 🙂
      I have my high and low days…but I’ll fight through it because I do love writing. It’s like revealing my soul, showing the world that I am not the person that they put down, (or prove to myself that I’m not the person that I put down).

  3. Most writers have self-esteem issues. Whether they write to hide their true selves, write to live the life they wish they could, or write because they have an inflated head and love the spotlight. We’re all screwed up. Welcome to the club. You are a perfectly normal…ish…writer.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s